Karla, Marley, & Me

For days now, I've been thinking of writing this post. I didn't plan at all to take such a big break from blogging or Instagram, but as August went by, I didn't have it in me to do much of anything. July was my calm before the storm, and August was definitely the storm. So let me fill you in on a few recent events.KarlaYou may remember reading about my cousin, Karla, being sick, stage 4 liver cancer to be exact. Almost exactly a month after her diagnosis, I'm deeply sad to say she passed away last month. I was devastated. She was there all of my life. She was like a sister to me. She helped me pick out my wedding dress. She was my maid of honor. I mean my husband, then boyfriend, even told her he was going to propose to me. She was so close to us. She was a special person for so many reasons, but especially because she filled the role of sister in so many ways. I'm holding on to so many good memories of her.I saw her this past June when I visited family in Arizona, and she showed no signs of cancer. She had no idea either that she was terminally ill then. She had some discomforts, but nothing that screamed of cancer. She had already been to the doctor and she was diagnosed with salmonella. And days after her health had not improved they did a whole bunch of tests, and in mid-July she was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer. Who would have thought that she would only have one month to battle the disease? Not me in a million years.As her health deteriorated, I booked another flight back home to visit her. I spent her last weekend on this earth with her. We talked a bit during those days, but mostly she tried to sleep. I helped her get comfortable on her hospital bed. I helped her drink water. Those little things I did for her will be with me forever. I said my goodbye to her still having faith that it wouldn't be a final goodbye. Looking back I wish I had stayed a bit longer as she passed away only two days later. The kids were starting school and I wanted to be home for them, but honestly my husband could have managed and so would have the kids. But anyway, I feel good that I was there for her on her final days. The sadness of her passing is still with me. The tears that she's gone are still with me. Sometimes, denial sits in and I can't believe she's really gone. But deep down I realize she is and tears well up again. She's gone. I know my life will never be the same because Karla's void will never be filled.MarleyTo make things worse, we almost lost our dog in August too. While my cousin was fighting cancer states away, I was taking care of our dog of 12 years. He's 14 years old. We adopted him when he was 2. So yes, he's old. A freak accident as he jumped off our bed gave him a hematoma on his snout. He bled and bled. And of course, we took him to the vet. Long story short, we brought him back with a course of antibiotics and vitamins. There were some days that we thought he wasn't going to make it, and it would add to my already depressed state. It's been a month after and I'm happy to say, he's back to normal.Something I should mention is that because of his age, he doesn't jump off beds anymore. He hadn't for years. He would always indicate to us in some way if he wanted off the bed. Because I should also mention, that he is spoiled rotten and he loves to get snug as a bug on the bed at nights.And MeI think I cried every single day in August. For my cousin, for Marley, for feeling helpless, alone, and so far away from family. When tragic events happen you really notice how far away you are from everyone. The distance doesn't usually bother me, but August was like a big black hole. I just wanted September to roll around. But then it did. I'm still the same. A little better, but still sad. And I guess that is just the way life is. Those ups and downs just make us stronger. Those losses just make you appreciate your loved ones more. And that's what I've been doing.I'm slowly snapping out of it, and like they say, time heals every wound. Thank you for reading.